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humor with twist

My employment history.

Interviewer: So where did you work last?
Me: Sir previously I have been working at FB for many years.
Interviewer: wow tell us more. 
Me:

1. I worked in the capacity of “s

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He is so simple he does not fall in love !

I came across the following wisdom from one of the revered religious Gurus of India, Swamy Paramahansa Yogananda and twisted it a little to fit my humor.

Be as simple as you can be; you will be astonished to see how uncomplicated and happy your life can become — Paramahansa Yogananda.

— This drawing is so simple it does not fall in love.

You are screwed.

Mrs GANDHI is asked; When did India get Independence ? She replied “1947” and passed.

Advani is asked; How many people died during the independence struggle?

He gets nervous. Yama asked him to choose from 3 options: 100,000 or 200,000 or 300,000.

Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes.

It’s Laloo’s turn now.

Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each of the 200, 000 who died in the struggle.

Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL.

How has my life been in last 15 years.

I just got hold of something I wrote, 2 years ago, describing in nutshell, incidents, that are of no hard consequences, but how I run across tons of different type of people, in my sojourn towards oblivion. (I must be unhappy with my parents one day, 20 years ago, and said “I am leaving you guys. “where you would go, tell us, we are worried”, “Öh don’t worry I am going towards oblivion”.

November 6th, 2012, 2.30 PM. Thats right after lunch, when do I do such unnecessary stuff.

some insects biting me .. oh what an emergency in 1st world definitions. Reminds me thus of various things. (which followed a long conversation about my life’s incidents, the night before) These things are not chronological but follow how things would rush to top of mind. What causes such volition?

1. (humor on undergrads at Tech)

You have reached the Cassel Colosseum .. (Now get out o’ here and call your parents .. you have a D in 60% of your courses.)

2. (humor on health appointments at Tech)

You have reached the McComas (Was it the grad place or the health services? ah health, right.)

Welcome to Virginia Tech health services. Sign your name and stand in a que. Don’t speak until one o’ our representatives takes attention and comes to you with further instructions. We serve on a daily basis our clientele who are mostly

Dr Batra’s clinic.

Ask at any McDonald “do you have fish burgers”. No, we just planning to have soon, so sorry.

“Oh no don’t be, mind telling where the Dr Batra’s clinic is?”

You see, men like to go to clinic like this for two reasons usually. Something is not growing and something is falling off. That takes the Jesus out of their mind and they would stop looking for such baloney. They immediately become a fan of medical science. Or what I know, may be their belief in Jesus or Kamadava grows stronger and keeps intact, none of my renunciation responsibilities.

I did not go to the clinic for such a reason. “I went to have a look at why they are growing their business ?” I had a prior appointment, NOT for that reason though.

MDASHF, how is it doing online.

All in all, safely, only 2013 saw 50,000 people who followed and endorsed my online presence or who accessed my website contents. (since you can like a page once only using your f-b id and since website visits checks unique IP address, this is a unique individual stats, that is , most precise count of number of people)

#mdashf wants to offer its long felt gratitude. This was possible only because of goodwill of people. There was zero amount of publicity expenditure. Not a single dime was ever spent by me or to my knowledge anyone else towards publicity. I am open to generous grants by individuals or orgs, btw, if you want to support #mdashf. The only expenditures that were incurred was on website layout, theme, fonts, hosting charge etc and the use of fancy all-in-one computer, personal laptop and printers/scanners and yea: BSNL ISP

Mandela, Feynman, Statistics, Science and Religion.

Mandela and Feynman were born the same year. 1918. But while Feynman passed away in 1988, Mandela this year, it gives Mandela 25 more years to live (about 95 years old, Mandela). Thats a nearly 25% difference. What makes such wide disparity in how long people live?

On afterthoughts, (from this) statistics is a way of hiding our ignorance by allowing more and more attributes into a particular question, to the level our ignorance is no more useless. Thats the difference between science and religion: statistics. Statistics is the difference between science and religion. Religion brushes everything with one broom. Science needs various sizes for various tasks. In the end there is a difference even if its not so visible.

सीधी बात और सीधी ब्रुक्ष्य पहले कट-ते हैं, — चाणक्य !!

फिर एक साल तक दोनों के कोई बच्चे नहीं हुए। तेरी माँ ने मन्नत मांगी, पुजारी ने ५००० ले लिया। एक महीने बाद पूजा करने के
लिए बोला, पूजा में पता चला ग्रह शांति करनी पड़ेगी। ग्रह का नाम था काल-किशोर-नाशक (जस्ट फ्रॉम दी स्पर्म स्टेज).

फिर दोनों ने डॉक्टर के पास गया। डॉक्टर बेतहासा हंस पड़ा, बोला कभी देखे हो मुझे किसी स्कुल के आस पास? नहीं। क्योंकि मेरे भी कोई बच्चे नहीं हुए और इस बात का फ़ायदा मेरी बीबी ने कोट में उठा लिया और फरार हो गयी। फरार हो गयी? जी हाँ मेरी शादी शुदा जिंदगी से। डिवोर्स ले ली राम जेठामालिनी के वक़ालत से। उस टाइम वोह सिर्फ एबॉर्शन या बच्चे न होने के केश लेता था।

तुम एक काम करो रामदेव के पतंजलि

The bonhomie of my hiatus.

them a small monetary reward.

After the meal I went to sleep. After a couple or 3 hours my sleep was again broken in a mad rush of argument between the same people. This time the guy who was advocating for the family, with an old man to take care of, was himself arguing with the baba. And it was really as bad as last night. I woke up and already one man was rebutting them for disturbing others.

I jumped down to the floor, from my upper berth, by climbing halfway down and joined him in admonishing these pair. “Look you have made our lives so inconvenient, we can’t sleep because you continue to fight each other, keep that off”.

The man who was fighting with the baba could not digest the fact that we were already asking them to shut up. So, he was like “why you are asking me only, he has come, now you have come”.

I said “I am admonishing both, not just you, and you got it right, he came, I came, now another will come, stop disturbing everyone here”. Then they settled down.

What to do with your free-time?

You don’t have to always criticize religion harshly. Sometimes they don’t even deserve your attention. Considering then you have a lot of time what shall ye’ do with this time?

1) Go to wall mart and hang around the vegetable section, this is the section where nobody will suspect you are not there to buy anything. Vegetable is something everybody needs howsoever smurky one looks.

2) Buy a pumpkin and carve something and upload on fb.

3) talk a few idiosyncrasies of your wife that matches with what you read in an internet celebrity corner.

4) Talk about the dark side of your besty on fb, making sure that thats not true.

unwanted hiatus

Due to problems with my internet, a failure of modem, and successive failures to repair it so far, I haven’t been able to re-install the internet  !! Hence a slowing down of writing. Since there are many interesting flow of… Read More ›

Bill Maher comedy (hour long video)

(topic: Bill Maher, comedy, entertainment, politics, video) and another (Now does not exist, so removed its visibility [] )youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dpu7cnyBhJE&w=560&h=315 and one moreyoutube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHIrSb7U8fE

My twitter faves !

If some of you are on twitter I have made it really easy for you to fave or RT some of my tweets by putting them under “faves” Go check’em you’ certainly love’em and laugh I bet .. RT @mdashf

— 5 RTs a day is fine just in case you want to get some standup comedy kindaa joke.

here is a sample:

1. I am listening to this country music “my grandma was in world war II” what was she doing? Serving Hitler Coffee?

2. and for Nehruvian pundits of Hindi

दी मोर बूढी दी औरत दी मोर उसकी बकबास

The older the lady the more she does chitter chatters

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