48 chuck norris facts you did not know 2

adding 2 Chuck Norris facts to my 48 facts of CN:

49. Chuck Norris was smoking and there was some wind, his smoke was now moving very fast, so he thought it’s moving at the highest velocity known to mankind, obviously he did not know about photons.

50. Chuck Noris sees the chilly-fire crackers and thinks Indians are smoking cigaretes in a community celebration of smoking, he takes one to his mouth and bam..

then Chuck Noris goes to Stephen Hawking and tells him about this, “I don’t have a mouth now”. Hawking says “well use my speech synthesizer”

Japanese chuck noris is here [Click Left]

Here is the original list

1. He thinks Inifinity as a horizontal 8

2. He wears an 8 (or inf?) as a pant

3. Melts a turkey by looking at it and drinks it’s flesh (then flies like one?)

4. Calling a star by it’s scientific name he proves he is catholic

5. Seducing salma hayek in a sau…na at 200 deg cent on a stone he proves the last law of thermodynamics: a new temperature system is attainable by a pure act

6. Thinks atheists is a synonym for athelets

7. Flying past light and stealing photon’s mass he thinks he is Chuck Norris: the fastest Ninja

8. Opens an atom by a scissor and thinks he made a medical invention

9. Peels an orange by his arm-pit and smells like an onion because the part of the universe he lives in onions and oranges grow together.

10. He thinks multi-verse and declares it’s a multiplex that shows his new movie “verses from Bible”

11. Counts the electron in the hydrogen atom and reports 33, counts Uranium and says “time out” it’s all changing as per a exponetial decay

12. He wonders why Nuclear decay is possible but fails to understand gravity

13. Thinks photons is the name of a beer in biblical times but protons as baby-food

14. Hadrons are for transvestites but bosons is an acronym for “times out”

15. Generates electricity by rubbing his ass against stone but gets fire because leaves his gas-burner open

16. Drinks alcohol, becomes a magnet, rotates his *arm* and generates a huge current  that lits ny city

17. Blinks at the trafic lights and they all go green, thinks alcohol breathers are a mini-cam that takes his picture when his teeth is visible, that’s where he gets his name, he is chuck norris because he chuckles

18. Goes through a mirror to discover his twin but never recovers from the shock because he finds a sybian

19. He can give mass to a Higgs and get a world health org reward for nutrition

20. He has more energy than a OhMyGod particle because he bribed American Electric Power.

21. He dives into an ocean and comes up with a meteor with a sign “this was for Jesus Christ”

22. He goes into milkyway instead of diary queen and complaints they don’t have frosts

23. He eats a clove and test positive for narcotics

24. He takes out a gun and says “amen” his bullets go backwards because he is flying past sound

25. He takes a focult pendulum and plays golf with it

26. He calls 911 to report abortion

27. “Ladies and gentlemen this is our chuck norris” and he’s vanished. Was he a resonance particle?

28. He measures 5 feet and 3 seconds because he is living in a relativistic space-continuum

29. He has more energy than a bull dozer but panics by a sniffer

30. He thinks a time machine is a clock from biblical times but an atomic clock is euphemism for duce-bag

31. He talks sense to George Bush

32. He takes out his black-belt because it is too small around his waist, wonders where he is gonna put it

33. He is approached by a cop that tells him he was speeding, he thinks he was merely in the rest frame of photons, in other words he had already pushed his brakes to respect nature’s speed limit

34. He is dissatisfied by china because they don’t think he is speaking English

35. He speaks Mandarin and the Americans think he had a flu from last thanks giving

36. He spells the name Kira Kira (mahi mahi) and thinks the first name and family name are different

37. To him French fries sound like a pizza topping but peperoni sounds like a Italian mafia

38. He invents his own alphabet to spell the word “I”

39. In his number system infinity is an operation symbol like +, -, *

40. In his number system 0 is the biggest number

41. In his number system H2O is a prime number

42. Molecules are large but galaxies are as small as a zirafe, obviously he failed high school

43. He halts at a zebra crossing because he was fined 500$ for killing a deer

44. On a thanks giving day he drank a turkey by melting it by looking at it but on independence day he broke his tooth from a olive topping on his pizza

45. He goes to CVS pharmacy to order paints but refuses to pay by credit card because his body magnet always inactivates the bar-code

46. He swears at dwarfs but says lullabies to wax-duplicates

47. He thinks American museum for natural history is an euphemism for high sccool sex

48. He thinks Niagara falls is housed in Smithsonian museum


  1. Pingback: Chuck Noris in Japanese « Invariance Publishing House

  2. Pingback: You are screwed. « Invariance Publishing House

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